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Oh, we’ve seen your kind before. You think you’re the first hotshot mass of crabs to roll through Seaside Hollow?

“I remember asking my teacher what all of the blue on the globe was,” he recalls, “and she said that it was water. And to me that sounded like bad news.”

We tried getting romantic in the full size bed. We tried the sitting room on the plastic-covered accent chair. We even tried to do it on the stair lift.