What we throw out says a lot about how we live, and lately I’ve been seeing some pretty appalling trends.
He is a gentle cub, who was led astray by YouTube, and the promise of orange marmalade. (The most common lure for bears before the brainwashing begins.)
Here are all the tips and tricks I’ve learned in the past year to turn your Cuomosexual mother into a vulgar Marxist with 300k followers on twitter.
Samara sniffled, wiping her eyes as she spoke, “People always think growing up with Shrek must’ve been like heaven, but it was more like stinky hell.”
I type this letter with great care, as I do not have hands and can only press one letter at a time with my bottom.
“Do you see now?” Addison whispered to me, her voice trembling my eardrums at a terrible frequency. “You see the illusion for what it is.”
We want to do everything we can to ensure that charging headfirst into a bloodbath is a comfortable experience.
Next time you see your Mama, fall to her feet and recite Hail Mary, three times. You are lucky to have her. Don’t you dare upset her!
Responsibilities: Help with childcare, meal prep, household management, therapeutic analysis, child/family psychology, and personal assistance.