Avatar for Widget, set in Futura bold

Register for your 100% free subscription. Full details.

Black Millennial Nursery Rhymes

Now introducing Black Millennial Nursery Rhymes, here to recenter your soul, all while reminding you that white people ain’t shit. Enjoy!

In these trifling times, everything seems to be happening at once, and us Black folk are exhausted. One minute, we’re just trying to live our best lives, and the next, white supremacists are overthrowing the government. How are our edges supposed to grow back after 2020 snatched them? Well, we’ve set you up with some serum to relax that tension and let those follicles free. Now introducing Black Millennial Nursery Rhymes, here to recenter your soul, all while reminding you that white people ain’t shit. Enjoy!

No White Man (To the tune of This Old Man)
No white man
Gon’ play me
Screenshot slur to his company
With a swipe, and some hype, OOP! Now you lost yo’ job
Next time don’t be racist, Bob

Itsy Bitsy ’pressors (To the tune of Itsy Bitsy Spider) 
Itsy bitsy ’ppressors  sailed across the seas
Colonised the islands, and gave them all disease
Whitewashed their culture, pretended they meant well
That’s why the Itsy Bitsy ’pressors, should be damned to hell

Cops and the White Girl! (To the tune of Pop! Goes The Weasel)
All around the gentrified hood
White woman calls the cops on us
Policemen take her word for it all
COPS! and the white girl

Please Spare my Edges (To the tune of The Wheels on the Bus)
My edges after braids go
Snatch, snatch, snatch
Please detach
Don’t leave a patch

My edges after braids go
Snatch, snatch, snatch
Please spare my scalp

Picking my Wigs (To the tune of Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe)
Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe
Ali vendor, trust or no?
That Remy lethal, watch it flow
Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe

Scam The Daddies (To the tune of Skip to My Lou)
Spent my rent money, what will I do?
Spent my school money, what will I do?
Spent my bill money, what will I do?
Sugar Daddies all season

Sug-sug-sugar daddies
Scam-scam-scam the daddies
Sug-sug-sugar daddies
Scam the Daddies, my Darlin’

Rent, Rent Go Away (To the tune of Rain, Rain Go Away)
Rent, rent go away
Pockets empty, I can’t pay
Need three bands, so I should pray
Rent, rent go away

My Wallet (To the tune of London Bridge)
When my wallet tumbles down,
It hits the ground and makes no sound
My net worth keeps tumbling down
The one percent mocks me

Auntie Sheryl’s Shade Cafe (To the tune of I’m a Little Teapot) 
I like all my tea hot, don’t cop out
Spill me the tea and leave nothing out
Hit you with the head nod, sip and shout
I thrive in the shade, so feed my clout

Dry Ass Colonizer (To the tune of Row, Row, Row Your Boat)
Dry ass colonizer
Got no reasoning
You out here/ stealing from/ Black people/ but you don’t
Use our seasonings?

Y’all Mad Racist (To the tune of Baa Baa Black Sheep)
Neo Nazis
Finna catch a fade
One DROP, two DROP
Bodies laid

Fade for the time you
Felt really brave
Pulled up to your crib
Now really, what’s good Dave?


Author’s Pick

Reading:
Travesty Generator – Lillian-Yvonne Bertram,
Rock. Salt. Stone. – Rosamond King,
We Inherit What the Fires Left – William Evans
Any poems from Nkosi Nkululeko
(Unrelated to poetry)
Anything on Blacknerdproblems.com

Video Games:
Persona 5 Royal

Television:
Anime. (Especially Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Haikyuu and My Hero Academia)

Share this…
Khadjiah Johnson
Khadjiah Johnson

Khadjiah Johnson is a Afro-Caribbean American writer and performer from Brooklyn whose honors include The Maxx You Project and a nomination for “The 2019 Best of Net Anthology” for her poetic comedy “Shady Shepherd Psalm.” You can find some of her work at Madison Square Garden, BET and Emrys Journal. She currently serves as a Staff Writer for Black Nerd Problems, a Freelancer for Funimation and staffed at Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.

Articles: 1

Newsletter Updates

Enter your email address below to subscribe to our newsletter