Cheers: Spot the Fake Episode

Cheers was a successful sitcom in the 90s based on a Boston bar. Well now, on a recent episode of our Casual Fridays bonus podcast, we had two real-life Bostonians as guests. We decided to test their knowledge of Cheers by seeing if they could guess which of the following episode summaries are real and which are fake. How well can you do? (Answers at the end.)

Pilot

Retired baseball player turned bar owner Sam Malone offers a naive grad student, Diane, a job at Cheers after she is abandoned at the bar by her professor fiancé. But Diane has other ideas! She tracks him and his young lover to their romantic getaway in Fiji and garrottes them both.

Featuring Nicholas Colasanto as Coach.

Having a Norm-al One

Norm is everybody’s favourite barfly. But when his doctor recommends he quit drinking, Norm is faced with a difficult choice: does he give up his friends at Cheers? Or disobey doctor’s orders, even if it means risking his health? Growing increasingly agitated by the decision, Norm visits his doctor at his home, garrotting him.

Featuring Nicholas Colasanto as Coach.

Mayday, Mayday! Part 1

A sulking Sam laments the rotator-cuff injury that brought his baseball career to an abrupt end. Dr. Frasier Crane offers to help him work through these issues and come to terms with this. After Sam agrees, Dr. Crane forcibly sedates him and amputates his arm at the shoulder, replacing it with a string of beer bottles, yoked together with surgical tubing and Gorilla Glue.

Featuring Nicholas Colasanto as Coach.

Mayday, Mayday! Part 2

Distraught, Sam garrottes Dr. Crane and skips town. At Frasier’s funeral, Mayor Thomas Menino delivers a eulogy so deeply emotional, the mourners succumb to hysteria and garrotte themselves en masse. Back at the bar, Cliff celebrates a promotion at the post office, raising everyone’s spirits and helping them forget about the dread spectre of grisly death haunting their bar.

Featuring Nicholas Colasanto as Coach.

3 Cheers for Democracy

Boston sports legend Bobby Orr hosts a fundraiser for presidential candidate Ichabod Shitstain at the bar, after President Shitstain’s recent nuking of the midwest by mistake. Coach, who was visiting his daughter in Ohio at the time of the strike, appears in a dream to the Bruins legend.

The skin scorched from his face, his eyes lolling in his skull, the undead spectre of Coach Pantusso lumbers through a city of death, barking a strange incantation: “Two minutes for roughing, two minutes for roughing”. Orr wakes in a cold sweat and is so unsettled by the dream, he garrottes himself.

Meanwhile, Woody takes an interest in politics by garrotting the President, allowing Carla to run in his place. Elected in a landslide, President Elect Tortelli sucks and fucks character actor Danny DeVito (appearing as himself) uninterrupted for 4 more seasons, garrotting his cock till it explodes in the thickest torrent of jism ever broadcast on network television.

Featuring Nicholas Colasanto as the nauseating visage of Coach.

Answers

I forget.