Avatar for Widget, set in Futura bold

Register for your 100% free subscription. Full details.

Are you an Astronaut or Do you Just Like Eating Moon Pies?

Q: Did you complete 6 years of astronaut training? A: No, but I watched a movie once about an astronaut starring Sandra Bullock while eating Moon Pies!

Moon pies are such fun, space themed treats that they can trick you with their fun, moon-themed name into thinking you’ve done the years of training it takes to be an astronaut! Take the following quiz to find out if you are, in fact, an actual astronaut or if you’re just a Moon Pie junkie with stars in your eyes!

1. Did you complete the 4 years of schooling and 2 years of professional training it takes to be an astronaut?

  1. Yes, and it was so difficult yet so worth it!
  2. No, but I watched a movie once about an astronaut starring Sandra Bullock who is hot while eating Moon Pies!

2. Are you in peak physical condition?

  1. Yes, I workout constantly to make sure I’m ready for the rigors of space travel.
  2. Hmm, not totally because my 5 food groups all revolve around Moon Pies which are just so, so tasty.

3. How wide is the moon?

  1. 2,158.8 mi
  2. Ooo, what a fun question! A Moon Pie is as big as my hand! Wait, did you mean Moon Pie or the actual moon? Ugh, you’re making me hungryyyyy!

4. What age did you first discover your passion for astronomy?

  1. Ever since I was 10, I wanted to serve my country, explore the great unknown, behold the earth from orbit, and set my foot on other planets like my hero, Neil Armstrong. 
  2. Ever since I was 5 and my mom put a Moon Pie in my hand and told me she was too lazy to make dinner or talk to me – I was hooked! Later, I asked her if I could go to space camp and she said no – but if I eat Moon Pies, it’s cheaper and still pretty fun. I guess you could say my ‘passion for astronomy’ started with that delicious combination of graham cracker and chocolate and marshmallow you can only find in a Moon Pie. I was hooked!

5. Have you ever been to space?

  1. Yes, I am currently there.
  2. No, but I sometimes ‘space out’ as I eat Moon Pies which are a great treat.

6. Do you miss your friends and family?

  1. Yes, every day. I haven’t seen them in 5 years but I am allowed to call my wife every year and say, “Hi, hun! Hope you’re thinking of me every night when you see the moon in the sky,” and she says she is.
  2. Sometimes they don’t answer my texts too promptly and it really annoys me! I love to send them selfies of me eating Moon Pies and expect an “lol” or “look at you munching on that Moon Pie! What a great treat!” but I just get nothing.

7. When did you last call NASA?

  1. Last week, because there was an issue with the control board that could have jeopardised the mission – and the safety of everyone aboard this vessel!
  2. Yesterday, because my Moon Pie didn’t come with a fun moon fact on the wrapper which was really upsetting to me.

If You Got Mostly A’s: Yes, You’re An Astronaut!

Congrats! You’re one of the lucky few who get to be in space and push the very limits of human discovery. Despite giving up your freedom on land and not seeing your friends and family for years and eating sad dried food, you know it’s worth it because you are an inspiration to all, and especially aspiring astronauts of all ages.

If You Got Mostly B’s:You’re a Moon Pie Fan, Not An Astronaut!

Sorry to say but you’re not an astronaut! Astronauts must train for years, possess extreme discipline and travel to the furthest reaches of the galaxy in service of their country. Whereas you mostly just eat Moon Pies. I know this must come as a big shock to you but don’t despair! You do have great taste in dessert though and clearly have a hankering for the delicious classic treat, Moon Pie from the great people at Chattanooga Bakery, Inc.


Author’s Pick

I recommend checking out “Promising Young Woman.” It’s feminist, funny, dark and supa supa provocative. I love when comedy can expose our culture and raise awareness.

Share this…
Catherine Weingarten
Catherine Weingarten

Catherine Weingarten is a Brooklyn-based playwright, comedy writer, and wedding cake lover. Her writing has been featured on McSweeney's, The Belladonna, Slackjaw and Tinder.

Articles: 1

Newsletter Updates

Enter your email address below to subscribe to our newsletter