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Former Prime Minister Zenya Olenkovich Suspends Democracy, Declared Empress Of Molvania.
In what is being hailed as one of the greatest feminist victories for the 21 st century, former Prime Minister Zenya Olenkovich of the Democratic Republic Of Molvania has ascended to the throne, upending decades of progress toward a more egalitarian society.
This move comes as a result of a heavily contested election, the results of which delivered Olenkovich a resounding defeat at the hands of her opponent, Bogdan Kriska, and his People’s Cooperative Commonwealth Party. Olenkovich repeatedly cited foreign interference as her reason to call into question the legitimacy of the election, both during and after its completion, and refused to step down after her defeat.
When asked to comment, Olenkovich said only that she was “defending the democratic process.”
Big Changes Ahead
Citing the need for more women in leadership positions, Empress Olenkovich promised to grant control of the country’s uranium ore mines to her sister Neda, and the Molvanian forestry industry to her cousin Svetlana, two of the country’s wealthiest oligarchs.
Svetlana has been reportedly in talks with Disney to begin clear cutting the ancient Bessarion Forest, a previously protected territory in which a small hunter-gatherer culture has lived for centuries. Disney plans to build a new theme park on the land, dedicated to empowering young women by prominently featuring its female characters.
Other proposed changes include the creation of the News Network of the Empire of Molvania, dedicated to sharing all the positive changes made by Empress Olenkovich among the people—with all female news anchors of course—and the appointing of General Vladimira Konstantinov to lead the force gathering along the border of neighbouring Vessonia, a small but wealthy republic, in battle drills.
Political Leaders Respond
“This is just incredible,” said Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US House of Representatives. “It really shows you the power of women.”
Senator Elizabeth Warren echoed the sentiment, calling Olenkovich a “true nasty woman, cut from the same cloth as me, Hillary Clinton, and any other woman who was told she couldn’t do it.”
“YASSS KWEEN, SLAYYYY” former Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg tweeted during Olenkovich’s inauguration process.
Bogdan Kriska could not be reached for comment, nor could any other member of the People’s Cooperative Commonwealth Party. Take that, patriarchy!
The newly minted empress is the first totalitarian ruler in the nation since the Molvanian revolution of 1918, when the Molvanian Democratic Party, inspired by the Russian Revolution of the previous year, overthrew the government of Emperor Maximilian Zeto. She is also the first woman to ascend to the throne since 1793, when Emperor Alexei Yaszek died without a male heir and his sister Darina took power.