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T.V.O.D.

Now that Widget Media has acquired ‘the entertainment industry’, there’s more content than ever! Let it wash over you, prole.

This piece appears in Work It: Quarterly Report, issue 1 and is based on scenes in Work It’s first 8 episodes.


Now that Widget Media has acquired ‘the entertainment industry’ in a massive cash-only deal, there’s more content than ever – way more!

Work It: Quarterly Report, Issue 01

Planet Office

Employees in their habitat

The new documentary series from Skippy Attenborough, the less talented brother of Richard and David. (Far less talented as David and Richard’s new BBC documentary “Dipshit: Our Stupid Brother” shows.)

Watch as an office drone attempts to mate with his colleague, deploying such male mating rituals as ‘asking about her weekend’ and ‘misogynistic sulking.’

Courtship resumes around the watering hole, as wine turns to tragedy. Watch as the office drone, buzzing uncontrollably, chrips “Shirrley!! Dansh wif me!!” and, when rejected, “Yer ugly anyway!”


Bobal Fatt, Job Hunter

Proficient in many laser beams

He’s hunted bounties across the cosmos, captured legendary heroes, and worked for the worst scum in the galaxy. Now, the legendary space vigilante faces his greatest test: Changing careers.

Bobal Fatt, Job Hunter is the newest film in the Space Fights saga, a series that’s been called “way better than that other space saga,” as well as “way better and way less litigious.”

Watch as Bobal plunders the Seven Moons of Zlynax for cover letter tips. Marvel as he rebuilds the Ancient Computers of Ya’an to type out his skillsets: “Proficient in many laser beams”; “Well-versed in Excel and in bounty hunting.” Cheer as he blasts his references into space goo!


Precarity!

Reality show or economic cancer?

Is it a reality show? Or is it the raw depiction of an economic cancer that’s devouring a generation of immiserated workers? Tune in Friday to find out

Okay, fine, it’s a reality show.

Featuring nail-biting segments like “The Debasement Challenge,” in which contestents are forced to work an all-nighter without any overtime, and “Unpaid Spec Project,” which is, yeah, exactly what it sounds like. (It’s been a real boon for the network – free spec scripts!!)

All contestents on Precarity! are paid in exposure. So, don’t feel bad laughing at their humiliating escapades. There’s more than enough sweet, sweet exposure to go around.


The Rookie

Business School to the big leagues

Sports documentaries are having ‘a moment,’ and Widget Media is cashing in!

The Rookie follows Clara Anderson, a highly touted business prospect, in her first year at Magnus Enterprises, Westdale’s leading manufacturer of rubber bullets, and other items that keep us ‘safe.’

Anderson overcomes tribulations like forgetting where her desk is and jamming the photocopier to earn her colleagues’ respect and maim some protesters.


Watercooler Wipeout

Highly degrading game-show. Fun!

Host Frances Ferdinand, well, hosts the game show “where the nation’s biggest gossips go head-to-head.” TV Guide called the show “annoying,” while Variety called the show “annoying.”

Returning champion Lorna from Accounting is lights-out in the Innuendo Round, but faces adversity in the Revelation of Torrid Office Affairs round.


The adventures of No-Man

The man with the power of “No!”

when your evil boss says he “[doesn’t] care how long it takes, you’re going to finish your report on your own time,” who can you call? When he makes you eat at work, sleep at work, miss your kid’s soccer game while you’re cucked by your spouse, ’cause “it’s all about the team,” who can you call?

It’s No-Man, the superhero with the power to say “No!” to unreasonable bosses. Born on a planet of put-upon subordinates, No-Man is the worker’s last hope.


PSA: How to Dress in the office

Helpful guide for helpless ladies

This is one of those vintage, so-called educational films that warns of the dangers of ‘immorality,’ along the lines of “Reefer Madness,” “Gambling Panic,” and “Homosexual Frenzy.”

“How to dress in the office” is directed at young ladies of the 1950s, entering the workforce for the first time.

Janie learns the importance of washing her face – five minutes with the pot-scrubber to get that healthy flush – and exercising caution with lipstick – it’s for “streetwalking trollops,” as the helpful narrator man reminds her. Thank goodness for men. Always looking out for ya.


Franz Kafka’s A Man of Balance

Watch this fable if you’re able (to)

The haunting story of Jakub F., a young man who searches for work/life balance.

Follow Jakub F. through his frustrating encounters with Middle Manager Tomáš and a faceless bureaucracy known only as The Directors. 

And in an attempt to get ratings up, a race of giant roach-men from planet Samsa attacks Earth, under the diabolical leadership of The Hunger Artist! Can Jakub F. find work/life balance and eradicate the alien forces? Tune in to find out!


A Day in the life…

Profiles of wealth and superiority.

Ever wondered what it takes to be a successful business leader? No?! Well, that’s your first problem right there, ya slob. But don’t worry, this show’s got you covered.

Learn how Lisa Su of AMD begins each day with a smoothie, and spends the rest of it neuro-linking with her army of killer robots, crushing the humans.

Or how Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff spends the day waking up, going back to sleep, and waking up again just long enough to consider a shower. His wife collects her things. Hard work does pay off!


TEDtalk: Highlights

Genius lessons from yer pals at Work It

Work It shares a small fraction of the smart ideas they know.

Such as: “You can lead a horse to water. But you can’t make him drink. But what if you can?” And of course: “In nature, cedars are leaders. And flowers are followers. But in the end – leadership is also – like a cool car – going vroom!


Send News Plz.

A finger on the pulse of Westdale

Work It conducts an investigative report on women in leadership roles.

The intrepid reporters talk to Sandra Larson, CFO at hot startup TechBros. She gave them some tall cans, then a wedgie. 

They then talk to Jane Smith of Garland & Sons Insurance. She had such a deep, deep voice that, unfortunately, she was totally unintelligible. By god, was it deep!

And then, Steve Anderson, who, though a lady, has a dude’s name. Inspiring!


Old Boys CLub

No girls allowed

On this week’s episode, Shackleford buys a yacht – but just for boys; Todd is tricked into joining a co-ed ultimate frisbee team; and Ebenezer woos the ghost of Lillian Gish. Guest-starring: no girls! Not allowed!


Future Jobs

What jobs await you in the wasteland?

The end-times are nearly upon us. But what will we do for work, post-apocolyptically? Future Jobs answers this (carcinogencially) burning question. 

Despite all cattle being incinerated in World War 3, there’s still plenty of fast food jobs. You’ll be responsible for checking the dog traps, supervising the fly cook, and refilling the milkshake machine with fresh roach milk every day.

Cashiers are needed too. Do you know how many shiny buttons you can get for 20 soda cans? How many pebbles in a stone? How many rats for a Nutri-Pak?

And, of course, unpaid internships too.

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