Update: Classes no longer require sign-in.
Aries – Very Unlikely
The chances of you running into this Blues Brothers star are next to none.
Taurus – Fairly Likely
There is a fairly good possibility that you’ll see him from afar at a restaurant. You will consider asking for an autograph but don’t want to come off as an annoying fan.
Gemini – Extremely Unlikely
Even if you are in the same room as Mr. Aykroyd and talk to him, he will never give you the opportunity to truly meet him. He will be closed off.
Cancer – Very Unlikely
You might think you see him while in public but will realise it is just a very tall 8th grader.
The 8th grader will see that you look confused and will choose to bully you.
Leo – Extremely Likely
It is very likely that you will run into Mr. Aykroyd in a public setting such as a café or bookstore. It will be a very positive experience and bring you comfort.
Virgo – Fairly Likely
It is likely that you will have the opportunity to meet Mr. Aykroyd but you may choose not to engage with him because he will be in the middle of a heated fight with his distributor for Crystal Skull Vodka.
Libra – Very Likely
You will be on your way to a potentially life-changing job interview and he will delay your travels. You will not get the job but that will not necessarily prove to be a bad thing. The job that you’re going to miss out on would put you in close contact with angry bees for at least a year.
Scorpio – Extremely Likely
You will meet him but make a wrong turn in conversation when you start to bring up how much you love Harold Ramis in Ghostbusters. You’ll notice that Mr. Aykroyd seems a bit jealous but won’t realise just how jealous until years later when he produces a Ghostbusters reboot featuring a disgusting slime-monster with your exact name.
Sagittarius – Fairly Unlikely
You most likely won’t meet the famous ghost enthusiast-turned-comedian but you will meet someone very dear to him who will tell you that they bet Dan would not like you. They will say that Dan is a first-impressions guy and that you don’t really play towards that strength.
You will take these words to heart and dig deep to reconsider how you treat others and let others treat you.
Capricorn – It Will Happen
You will host a dinner party. For this party, you will invite all of your work friends and allow them each to bring a plus one. You will regard this party as a turning point in your life and treat it as a symbol of finally being an adult.
The night of the party will arrive and one of your guests will bring their drinking buddy as their plus one. That drinking buddy will most definitely be SNL alum Dan Aykroyd. Mr. Aykroyd will ruin your party by talking, in excruciating detail, about the time he had a sexual encounter with a ghost during the filming of the original Ghostbusters.
He will lament that only the ‘ghost blowjob’ made the final edit of the film – Mr. Aykroyd will narrate how the original script had this sequence take up the entire third act but was ultimately cut because, as the studio head informed him, “we can’t show a ghost railing your ass in a family film, Dan”.
Aquarius – Absolutely no chance
You won’t even be in the same state at the same time.
Pisces – You will be the last face he ever sees
Your comedy career will take off and you will absolutely nail your SNL audition. You will end up booking the job and being added to the featured cast.
Around the same time, Dan Aykroyd will suffer a massive heart attack and be taken to the hospital to undergo open heart surgery. He will make it through the surgery and spend a couple days in the hospital to recover.
While in recovery, Mr. Aykroyd will put on SNL so he can reminisce about the good old days. A sketch where you play a divorced wolfman will close the show. Mr. Aykroyd will bust a gut so big that it triggers another heart attack.
Your wolfman sketch will be so funny that it kills Dan Aykroyd.
Oh boy, here are some of my favourites. The original muppet movie, spirited away, screaming females, and Jonni phillips