Crushing the Startup Interview

Land yourself a nice, cushy job, drawing arrows on a whiteboard and slamming Monster Ultras for $120k a year.

This piece appears in Work It: Quarterly Report, issue 1, and is adapted from a scene in the episode of Work It on job hunting.

Cheers! You’ve scored an interview at a trendy startup. And what’s more, you’re desperate for work and can barely make rent! Read this and survive, maybe.

Work It: Quarterly Report, Issue 01

Startups. No, not the famous Rolling Stones song. ‘Startups’ is what we call scrappy young businesses with nothing more than an app that makes your face ‘Polish,’ a military contract to share your biometrics, and a seed round bigger than the GDP of Estonia. But why should you care?

Well, ding-dong, if you’re Gen Z or a millennial who’s looking for work, you can probably land yourself a nice, cushy job at one of these startups, drawing arrows on a whiteboard and slamming Monster Ultras for $120k a year. 

But before any of that, you need to ace the job interview, don’t you? Can’t get the nice job without a boffo interview now, can you? No. You can’t.

It just so happens we have some interview tips we’d be more than happy to share. If you think you deserve them.

Yeah, that’s what we thought. You come crawling back to Work It, hands outstretched. We’ve got the tips that you crave and you know it. You’re helpless without them!

Well. We’re waiting.

No, we’re not giving up any interview tips till you beg.

That‘s right, beg for the tips! Get down and beg for them, piggie. Beg! 

(Okay, now at this part, you say “oink, oink.” Got it? Did you do it? Okay, now say: “I been a bad widdle piggie but I cwave dose handy tips to boost my caweer! Oink!” Go on, do it.)

(Did you say it? What?)

(Shit. I guess you can’t answer through the PDF. Hmm. Well, okay, we’ll assume you did. Okay, last chance: If you didn’t make the pig sounds yet, do it now. Last chance. Okay, cool.)

So if you want tips from yer ole friends at Work It about how to crush the startup interview, you’ve come to the right place. 

Though you may go into your interview expecting rote questions like “Tell us a bit about yourself,” or “What’s your biggest weakness?” it’s actually more normal for startup interviews to consist of curveballs. By ‘curveballs,’ we mean inane drivel. Cutesy-ass inane drivel for babies. Interview questions like “Are you the smartest person you know?” and “If you could have any two celebrities as your parents, who would you choose?” have actually been asked before. Completely pointless.

The answers are “yes” and “Angelina Jolie, General Patton.”

One startup has asked, “What is your go-to karaoke song?”

Your answer should convey strength and confidence, but show a whimsical side as well. The correct answer is “North Korean National Anthem.”

In short, present a JPEG of this article at any interview to become the new owner.

SOURCES: Websites. The Internet.

A fancy suit, a little make-up, or just a winning smile can make all the difference…

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