The Real Me…

No one knows the real me. If you knew… you’d understand.

No one knows the real me. If you knew… you’d understand.

The real me feels pain. On the outside, I may seem happy. But inside, I am full of sadness and diarrhoea. I burn from these emotions and from the diarrhoea.

The real me is deep. I think about life and the universe, yeah that’s right. I think things like:

What if I were born in space, in a black hole? Would I still feel the same, out there, in deepest nebulas?

It’s impossible to know, but intellectual to consider…

On the outside, I seem harmless but the real me has platinumed ALL the Dark Souls games and I can and will do it again!

The real me is a nature lover. I walk through the forest and look at the magnifisint trees and I say to myself, “Think of the things these trees have seen in their time: war, disease, death.

“Now think of the things I have seen: Thor, Thor Rangorock, Thor 2 the Dark World.”

The real me lives every day with PTSD from the Gulf War. No, I didn’t nor will I EVER “serve,” but I have single-handedly obtained a complete set of Desert Storm trading cards!

The real me likes getting his thingy sucked. I guess the fake me does too.

The real me is a lover. Every night before I go to bed, I watch the video where Miss Elizabeth reunites with her beloved, the “Macho Man” Randy Savage.

I want what they have. If getting power slammed by a ’roided out freako like Ultimate Warrior is the only way to find love, that’s what the real me will do.

The real me is a poet. I go on and find all the best and most magnifisint rhymes. So listen up, all you other poets out there: when your busy clicking the “Find rhymes” button, just know that I have chosen the option “Find rhymes (advanced)”.

This results in more advanced poems by me, 100% of the time.

So that’s it. It’s painful and actually really brave of me to be this honest, but that’s just me.

The me no one sees. The real me.

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Sam Allemang
Sam Allemang

Editor, Widget.

Articles: 23

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