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Hey there, folks, Gary here from Gary’s Discount Pets! Looking for the next Lil’ Bub but don’t wanna break the bank? Come on down to Gary’s Discount Pets! We’ve got something for fans of all the classic celebrity pets!
Take Grumpy Cat. With her pouty face and funny captions, she took the world of memes by storm. Grumpy Cat is gone now, but act today and grab one of our unattractive felines to take her place: Miserable Cat, Self-Pitying Cat and Ungrateful Cat are ready to pout on your social media.
But that’s not all! At Gary’s Discount Pets, we’ve got all sorts of critters with pejorative adjectives: Petulant Fish, Disappointed Snake, and Hangry Worm can be yours today!
Looking for something a little more exciting? Friend, Diarrhetic Dog has your name written all over him – and check out our fine selection of mops!
But let’s not forget the great Lil’ Bub. Though this tiny cutie has also left us, that just means there’s a Bub-sized hole in our hearts. What makes our uniquely-sized cats different at Gary’s Discount Pets? Morbid obesity! We’ve got cats like L’rge Jub, Real’y Big Lub, Unbeliev’bly Huge Gub just waiting to fill your Instagram.
And as a bonus, all three of these cats also stick out their tongue! Admittedly, with Lub it’s only when he sees that Phoebe Cates scene from Fast Times, but still… – act today for 50% off!
Remember Keyboard Cat? Want a Keyboard Cat of your very own? For one easy down-payment, you can be the new owner of: Ukulele Turtle, Tom-Tom Rat, or Theremin Roach. Or buy all three and get a band! (They’re like early Style Council meets Kraftwerk.) Act today and we’ll even throw in MC Hamster.
So pay us a visit at Gary’s Discount Pets! Your one-stop shop for cheap pets you can monetize. It’s like being a stage mom whose child is a deformed cat. See you soon!