02: Austin Powers in Goldmember

Kai recaps Goldmember for Sam, and then they very quickly fix it

Here is the revised script for Goldmember:

Austin Powers in Lazy Ca$h Grab

Ext. – Scarborough – Night

60s mod spy Austin Powers (Myers) and his charming love interest, Drippy Snatch (Xtina), are mingling in the Scarborough Town Centre parking lot. The world is, once again, threatened by the nefarious Dr. Evil. Does super-spy Powers have one last trick up his sleeve? Let’s find out:

Austin
Shagadelic baby, groovy! Oh, behave!

Drippy Snatch
Austin, so good to see you.

Austin
I’m horny baby, yeah. I’m glad the Osbornes aren’t here! Those ruddy cow-humpers – everyone knows British people are trash!

That last line doesn’t make any sense, but we’re in a hurry to make this movie!

Cut to:

Int. – Dr. Evil’s Lair – Day

Dr. Evil
You have to give me an in-norbit-nit amount of money!

Clint Howard
I wish I was Ron. But I don’t have that kinda scratch.

Violent J, Steve from Smashmouth and The Cast of NBC’s Heroes enter. The chords of “Homies” and the vocal track from “I’m a Believer” fill the air. They dance and dance. Steve from Smashmouth gesticulates at the camera, as Violent J eats 100 Taco Bell chimi-ditos.

Clint Howard
Wow, Steve from Smashmouth!

Steve from Smashmouth
And I brought some friends!

They continue to dance.

Cut to:

Int. – Doctor’s Office – Night

Austin’s shadow squirts and takes a shit.

Doctor
OMG, he’s full of seamen!

The End

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